“Freedom is the open window through which pours the sunlight of the human spirit and human dignity.” – Herbert Hoover
Why Nobody’s Happy (Even When They’re Free)
Let me guess—you’ve checked off a lot of boxes in life. Maybe you’ve got a decent job, a roof over your head, and a few smiles on Instagram to prove it. Yet, deep down, there’s that nagging question: “Why don’t I feel free—or happy?”
I used to feel the same way. I thought freedom meant cutting ties with things that constrained me: toxic people, demanding jobs, societal rules. It was all about “freedom from.” But no matter how much I tried to escape, I still felt trapped—like I was running from a shadow that followed me everywhere.
Then I stumbled upon Nicola Abbagnano, a lesser-known Italian existentialist philosopher who flipped my whole perspective on freedom—and happiness—on its head. His idea of “positive freedom” was the shift I didn’t know I needed.
What Is Positive Freedom?
“Freedom is not the absence of commitments, but the ability to choose—and commit myself to—what is best for me.” – Paulo Coelho
Abbagnano argued that most people misunderstand freedom. We focus on “freedom from”—freedom from constraints, freedom from expectations, freedom from pain. But this kind of freedom is defensive. It’s about avoiding, escaping, or rejecting. And while it might give you temporary relief, it doesn’t bring lasting happiness.
Positive freedom, on the other hand, is freedom for something. It’s about choosing what to dedicate yourself to, building something meaningful, and leaning into relationships, responsibilities, and passions that align with your values. This kind of freedom isn’t about running away—it’s about running toward.
For a deeper dive into the power of commitment and purpose, you might find Essentialism by Greg McKeown insightful—it’s one of my favorite summaries on essentialism and intentional living.
When I first read this, a lightbulb went off in my head: no wonder I always felt so empty. I was so busy trying to escape the things I didn’t want, I never stopped to ask, What am I running toward?
How Positive Freedom Changed My Relationships
“In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer.” – Albert Camus
Here’s the hard truth: I wasn’t great at relationships. I thought being “free” meant not getting too attached, avoiding commitments, and keeping my options open. But all that did was leave me feeling isolated and unfulfilled.
Abbagnano’s idea of positive freedom made me realize that relationships thrive when you choose to invest in them—not because you have to, but because you want to. So instead of pulling away when things got tough, I leaned in.
For example, I started being more intentional about my time with my partner. I stopped seeing commitment as a trap and started seeing it as a choice I was proud to make. And guess what? The more I gave, the more I got back. My relationships didn’t feel like obligations anymore—they felt like sources of joy and growth.
If relationships are an area you’re still working on, How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie is a classic book that changed how I approach connection and communication.
Inner Peace Comes from Purpose
“Happiness is not something ready-made. It comes from your own actions.” – Dalai Lama
Positive freedom doesn’t just change how you relate to others; it changes how you relate to yourself. Before, I thought happiness came from avoiding pain or discomfort. But Abbagnano taught me that true peace comes from having a sense of purpose.
I started asking myself tough questions:
- What do I want to dedicate my life to?
- What kind of person do I want to be?
- What am I willing to struggle for?
Answering these questions wasn’t easy, but it gave me clarity. I stopped running from my fears and started channeling my energy toward things that mattered to me—like writing, learning, and spending time with people I love.
The result? My anxiety dropped. My confidence grew. And for the first time in years, I felt like I was living life on my own terms.
How You Can Cultivate Positive Freedom
“The meaning of life is to give life meaning.” – Viktor Frankl
If you’re ready to break free from the cycle of “freedom from” and embrace “freedom for,” here are some practical steps to get started:
- Define Your Values: Take time to figure out what truly matters to you. What are your non-negotiables? What gives your life meaning?
- Invest in Relationships: Choose the people you want to grow with and commit to them fully. Be present, be vulnerable, and be intentional.
- Find Your Purpose: This doesn’t have to be grand or world-changing. It could be as simple as being a good parent, creating art, or helping others in small ways.
- Stop Running: Pay attention to what you’re avoiding and ask yourself, “What am I running from—and what would it look like if I stopped?”
- Choose Your Struggles: Life is hard no matter what. The key is to struggle for something that’s worth it.
The Payoff: A Life That Feels Like Your Own
“To be free is not merely to cast off one’s chains, but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others.” – Nelson Mandela
Positive freedom isn’t about avoiding life’s challenges—it’s about embracing them with purpose and intention. It’s about building a life that feels meaningful, even when it’s messy or hard. And trust me, it’s worth it.
Thanks to Nicola Abbagnano, I stopped seeing freedom as an escape and started seeing it as a choice—a choice to live fully, love deeply, and pursue what matters most. That shift didn’t just change my relationships or my peace of mind. It changed everything.
References
- Abbagnano, Nicola. Introduction to Existentialism
- Frankl, Viktor. Man’s Search for Meaning
- Coelho, Paulo. The Alchemist
- Camus, Albert. The Myth of Sisyphus
- Dalai Lama. The Art of Happiness
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