“The soul is weighed down by love until it finds its proper order.”
—Augustine of Hippo
I Chose Money Over My Best Friend’s Funeral
Let me tell you how I became a selfish prick.
Last year, my best friend died. His funeral was on a Tuesday. I skipped it. Why? I had a “critical” Zoom call about a project that would “make or break my career.” Spoiler: The project flopped. The call? Forgettable. The guilt? Still here.
We’re all terrible at loving things in the right order. Augustine called this ordo amoris—the hierarchy of love. He wasn’t wrong. We swear loyalty to things that don’t matter (deadline culture, Instagram clout) and treat what does (people, purpose) like background noise. Let’s fix that.
The “Right Order” Isn’t a Philosophy—It’s a Survival Skill
“Disorder in the soul is like a broken compass. You’ll walk, but you’ll never arrive.”
—Nietzsche
Augustine’s idea is simple: Your loves have ranks. Justice outranks convenience. Compassion beats gossip. Relationships > promotions. But modern life flips this. We’ll trade sleep for TikTok, skip meals for emails, and ghost family for hustle porn.
Example:
- Temptation: Working late to buy a luxury car.
- Right Order: Working less to drive a Corolla and coach your kid’s soccer team.
Greed isn’t wanting money—it’s wanting money more than what money can’t buy.
How to Audit Your Love Life (No, Not That One)
“The unexamined life is not worth living.”
—Socrates
Here’s a 3-step gut check:
- List Your Loves
Write down what you spend time on. Be brutal. “Netflix binges” count. - Rank Them Like a Ruthless CEO
Does “being right in arguments” outrank “keeping peace with your partner”? If yes, rethink. - Calibrate Daily
When choosing between overtime or date night, ask: “Will this matter when I’m dead?”
The Recalibration Hack That Saved My Marriage
“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.”
—Aristotle
Three years ago, my wife left me. Not officially—just emotionally. Why? I prioritized “hustle” over her. Fixing it required:
- The 5-Second Rule: When tempted to check emails during dinner, physically stand up. Walk outside. Breathe.
- The “Hell Yes” Test: Only say yes to work that excites you and aligns with your values. Say no to the rest.
Result? We’re still married. My income dropped 30%. My happiness? Up 200%.
Love Like a Gardener, Not a Thief
Gardeners nurture what lasts. Thieves grab what glitters.
This week:
- Cancel one “urgent” task that doesn’t feed your soul.
- Replace it with a 20-minute walk with someone you’ve neglected.
Augustine’s been dead for 1,600 years. His advice? Still breathing.
References
- Confessions by Augustine of Hippo (Book)
- The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fck* by Mark Manson (Book)
- Fight Club (Film, 1999) – “The things you own end up owning you.”
- Meditations by Marcus Aurelius (Book)
“You can’t pour love into leaky buckets.”
—Old Irish Proverb
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